Mouse, Max and Mod


The hubris in the mind is a dream
afraid of waking…

A place even Mindfulness
fears to penetrate.


Not so long ago…

A Thai boy spawned in a family of a doctor and a nurse. A well loved boy whose father had quite an impact on the people in the area where they lived. Notorious for being the naughtiest gang-leader in the zone, with wealth of money and authority to say or do almost everything he ever wanted. Simply put… he was a spoiled brat (dead or alive reward photograph below).

Whatever he wanted he must have. Mother tried to discipline him but father disagreed, saying boys will always be boys. His father lived a life of hardship growing up, from a kid who had nothing… putting himself through schools & college, sung and danced on love boats like Bruce Lee earning his way as he progressed through his medical schools.  That was how they met… on a love boat.  A classic love story.

The everything special (except himself) boy was put through the best school with the best care,  best teachers, best uniforms, best food, best everything with zero punishments in tow… cruising through his boyhood life with ease, or so it seemed.  However, nothing was as it seemed… underneath these well clad facades there were tremendous misery . The turbulent clashes within his personalities alone provide a story of inner-character civil war, raging for over three decades. There were three characters worth mentioning within this conflict…


1.  The first is our scared beyond believe little kid, completely submissive to his own feelings and emotions.  Let’s call this character Mouse. A heavily complex character embedded deeply within him, fear was one of Mouse’s biggest feature… fear of being put down, of pride wounded, of being abused. He became depressed easily and quite often.  The rapid-increases of his heart rates dictated Mouse’s abilities to focus and often limited his capacities to achieve things.  Anxiousness was Mouse’s weakest factor and Death was Mouse’s worst fear.

Mouse talked a lot and enjoyed new things, such as techs & toys, but he also liked collecting old things… a strong collector to say the least.  He was a show-off, indulged in the pleasures of the flesh and has a very strong sex drive.  He had a feeling of an old soul whose previous ending was extremely violent, like being executed by a gun.  Every time Mouse saw a gun pointed at someone in the movie, he’d either block his ears or hastily raced for the remote control to mute the sound.  Mouse also failed in ability of deep expressions, unable to “come out and say it” for he fears for being neglected, ignored and especially hated. Sometimes when a much stronger character (still to be mentioned named Maximo) came forward to express his authority, Mouse would often messed up Max’s expressions and they would end up in a “come out all wrong” kind of fashion.

On the other hand, being political is Mouse’s greater skill.  He possesses a wooden poker face and hides his emotions well. Although at times, the fears arose tremendously within like a flash of lightning burning him on the inside, it would not be expressed for the outsiders to see. Mouse is hard to read, especially for Mouse himself making him a confused self inflicted torturing device. Others fail to realize too when they hurt Mouse, since he would disguise his true feelings from them completely.  Like lava boiling to the point of volcanic eruptions, this made Mouse a kind of walking time bomb waiting to happen… except those eruptions would be too shy to burn those who hurt him, it would rather burn those close to him instead.

Often this led Mouse to think he is a complete failure.  A classic loser extraordinaire… but a survivor none the less who through extreme (and I mean like you can’t imagine) emotional mayhem would steer his path towards the Dhamma for he saw truth as his only savior.  In turn… Mouse would go through a drastic transformation when this boy reaches the age of 29 and ordains as a monk.


2.  Next in line is Maximo the fire breather.  Our second character within the boy…  Max has completely opposite temperaments to Mouse in almost every form and fashion.  Egotistic, driven, harsh, control-freak, sadistic, ruthless, aimed, motivated, out there, in your face, heroic protector and defender.  Max is often relied on by the young boy to get things done right.  Although he has a tough makeup, the weakling influences of Mouse often bares great burdens upon him.

Maximo lives for the appearances of Mysteries, to Mystify and to adjust causes and condition to suit his games. He possesses an awareness of how others sight him and he would chameleonize his behaviors to confuse them and prove them wrong, undeniably another complicated character.  Although realism is one of his traits, it is often deluded by our still to be mentioned third character named Mod, a complete heavy hitter and dreamer who is anything but realistic.

Max is giving, forgiving and caring… he hates witnessing others (especially women) under oppression.  Sometimes he would act, but sometimes Mouse would choose to run away first.  And there are times… when Mod would come out and play, escalating situations completely out of proportions, resulting in near death experiences for those women oppressing groups, making them wish they were never born!  Max is a torn character… torn between a hero, a nerd pussy and a violent storm from hell.

Often Max would beat Mouse to a pulp causing huge self-inflicting pain on the boy.  However, later in life, Mouse would grow much stronger with the help of Dhamma and become much more dominant.  The influences of Max would fly pass Mouse’s mindfulness, leaving just the true qualities of Mouse to be seen.  Don’t forget that Mouse’s qualities ain’t that good to begin with.  For our boy to know,  accept and love Mouse as a part of his five aggregates would be one of his biggest challenges in his life.  Max however will remain far too illusive for him to see..


3.  Now comes our last but not least character, Mod.  A gentle giant with a heart of gold.  Solid in giving, caring, eating, sleeping, happy dreaming, over possessing, depressing and know-it-all failed guesser. Mod loved to judge things, good & bad, black & white, right & wrong, etc… a very self consuming character and a downed-syndromed heavy hitter at the same time.

Mod hated complex things, he liked them simple.  He loved nice straight people and despised manipulators, back stabbers and evil doers… and with his short eye sights and poor judgments he would often depict the wrong pictures about people and often idealize them in a more negative fashion rather than positive approach.

However, the heavy hitter was also a hearty laughter.  Nothing came close to Mod’s so very innocent laughs that could be heard from over 100 meters away.  He also cried and suffered heavy depressions.  Wisdom was not in Mod’s book of trait… not at all. Happiness, Depression & Anger were.

When Mod became angry, the world would turn red, boots would fly into faces, bullets would launch out of barrels and reasoning would go out the window… all at once.  Mod loved blunted weapons, he’s the dumb hero, but a hero none the less.  He wasn’t smart, but he was who he was.  Knowing & accepting Mod as part of his five aggregates would be another one of this boy’s biggest challenges in life.

The writings of heart inspired by Tina Ng.


Discovering that i struggle insanely with moderation. I am the twins of extremes. When I am nice, I become like the air that flows with everything, caresses everything softly, unable to be seen nor touched, I yield until the me is gone… impossible to be read, interpreted or studied. Those who tried to help me found out the hard way.  On the other hand, when I am sincere I become harsh like the storm, I pierce the weakest joints in the links like an old zen master with long white hair carrying a massive walking stick and not afraid to use it… and the hackers of truth will be destroyed. There is rarely a middle for me.
We’ve been circulating in this casino for so long that we develop into such complicated creatures. I now find myself on a new path… the path of awakening mental equilibrium.
Phra Mick Ratanapanyo Bhikkhu

2 Responses to “Mouse, Max and Mod”

  1. This version’s definitely better than the first! One of your most insightful and creative pieces of writing so far I think. I have met Mouse, Max and Mod (love the names) but I like PM the most – he is a good driver for the three.

  2. I’ve been asked several times in chat rooms regarding Mod…

    Mod isn’t that bad with his openly admitting heart, he’s sweetly naive personality and a master laughter & giver.

    He’s not fit to be smart people, but then again, i keep seeing smart people too smart for themselves. Dhamma is not for smart, it’s for the open heart.

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