Controller of Breath

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Ever been bothered by the urges to control breaths during meditation?
I know I have.

On and off, my meditation had been disrupted by the lack of complete letting-go.  Sometimes when I meditated, there were automatic urges to control the breathing.  It felt similar to a passenger being smacked back into the driver seat of the car that already & naturally can drive itself.  You see, I preferred long in-breaths and short out-breaths with additional drag of blissful pauses… a luxury package that only professional drivers can provide.  So in short… the car wasn’t doing a good enough job with its air intake and its exotic scenery driving routines.  That’s right.

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I used to blame the “Control Freak” in me, and for years I tried to correct the problem without success.
Until one fine day last winter.

Did you notice the above mentioned term “automatic urges to control”?  Yes… That was what it saw.  This monkey enjoyed it!… and not me.  IT prefers long in-breaths and short out-breaths with additional drag of blissful pauses.  IT controlled.

Funny thing about mindfulness is that once the monkey realises his own habit, he stops.  Not to mention that he was caught in the act.  Similar to a stone-aged cave man holding a 100watt light bulb in his hands.  To him this light bulb is God and dropping it was out of the question, until he realises how hot it actually is.  Defilement behaves exactly this way until it is busted.  Like Batman was fun until I saw how it was made, the disorganised pigsty back-lot where they shot the police chase scene, the digital batman jumping out of the sky train, etc…  It was no longer fun for me the instant I realised I was conned.

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So how is Mr. Monkey now you ask… well he’s fine and happy.  Still having a go at controlling breaths from time to time, but he also knows that it is his nature and habit to do so and more importantly that he had been discovered.  No longer a con.

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One Response to “Controller of Breath”

  1. Hi, interesting post. I have been pondering this issue,so thanks for sharing. I’ll definitely be subscribing to your site.

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